My best friend since three years old, lost her mother yesterday. She had hip surgery and passed away a couple weeks later rather suddenly. My daughter who is studying to be an RN told me this is not uncommon and that one in three people with hip fractures later dies from blood clots. Anyway this is the first of my friends to lose a parent since I lost both of mine nine years ago. I was not prepared for the flood of emotions this would churn up in me.
My heart is broken for my friend and she is reeling from the loss. I hate to see her feel such sorrow as I know how the loss of one's mother is like someone chopping of an arm or a leg. It just leaves you unsteady, floundering for your balance. If you are lucky to have a wonderful mother like I had that is not only your mom but your very best friend, than who do you go to? They are both gone. I am dreading the service. Of course I will be there and support my friend and her family, but I hate the lump I am feeling in my throat as it brings back in a rush, the feelings I have for the loss of my own mother. Plain and simple I am missing her so much right now I can barely keep from crying. But this is good. I am letting it out as I type and pulling myself together so I can be the support my friend needs for I have truly been there.
I cooked today. The support I can think of giving her right now. I meal for her family as she spends the day making the arrangements. It meant a great deal to me when others gave us meals to tide us over in the tough days. I have not had a chance to just put my arms around her yet. Tomorrow hopefully I can see her and give her some hugs from her oldest friend. We have known one another for 41 years growing up two houses away from one another. I do not want to make anyone sad today for this is usually a happy blog but today I am a little melancholy. The pain I feel for my friend is the sign of the gift my mother gave me. A mother's love that knew no bounds. It means I was one of the lucky ones. I hope my girls feel the same about me someday.
My heart is broken for my friend and she is reeling from the loss. I hate to see her feel such sorrow as I know how the loss of one's mother is like someone chopping of an arm or a leg. It just leaves you unsteady, floundering for your balance. If you are lucky to have a wonderful mother like I had that is not only your mom but your very best friend, than who do you go to? They are both gone. I am dreading the service. Of course I will be there and support my friend and her family, but I hate the lump I am feeling in my throat as it brings back in a rush, the feelings I have for the loss of my own mother. Plain and simple I am missing her so much right now I can barely keep from crying. But this is good. I am letting it out as I type and pulling myself together so I can be the support my friend needs for I have truly been there.
I cooked today. The support I can think of giving her right now. I meal for her family as she spends the day making the arrangements. It meant a great deal to me when others gave us meals to tide us over in the tough days. I have not had a chance to just put my arms around her yet. Tomorrow hopefully I can see her and give her some hugs from her oldest friend. We have known one another for 41 years growing up two houses away from one another. I do not want to make anyone sad today for this is usually a happy blog but today I am a little melancholy. The pain I feel for my friend is the sign of the gift my mother gave me. A mother's love that knew no bounds. It means I was one of the lucky ones. I hope my girls feel the same about me someday.
26 comments:
It's wonderful that you're cooking a meal for her and just offering to be there for here. It's such a terrible time. There is nothing like the pain of losing your mother and you are right, you lose a mother and a best friend. I lost my mom over 15 years ago and I still want to pick up the phone and call her. Take care of yourself while you're helping her go through this. You will probably be dealing with some things too.
You're a fantastic mom! And I like that you shared that with us. See, I am giving myself free therapy when I write my feelings on my blog. And we just flat aren't always gonna be happy! I am so sorry for your friend. Never having had my mother in my life, I don't know how that feels. But I can imagine it is a giant hole that never gets filled.
Brenda
I think a meal is just the perfect bit of comfort you can give your friend right now...Hugs, Diane
I know what you are going through. My husband lost his father last year very suddenly. My mom passed away when I was only 8 years old. Watching my husband go through losing his parent was very difficult and brought back a lot of memories for me as well. Hugs to your friend (and you!)
It is hard, I am so sorry. So nice of you to cook for them. You will feel better when you see your friend. (((((HUGS))))
I was so shocked by the emotion I felt when a friend's parent passed away after my Mother's death. It was if I was going through it all over again. It has been over 20 years now. I am not for sure you ever get over losing your Mother. Sending you hugs!
You are the bestest friend ever, one with compassion. I know you'll hug and cry together and you can be an inspiration to you her, that she will smile again some day and that it's ok. You are a great writer, you had me in tears too as I miss my mom very much too. Love and prayers, -Bev
Oh my...I clicked over from Holly's after seeing your post title...I thought oh no. We have had 7 extra months with my dad...7 months of a gift. I can't imagine losing him without notice. My heart goes out to you and your friend in this time.
You are such a blessing! :o)
Hugs to you and my prayers as you tread into these waters. I too have been with out parents for many years now, and though I am young (42), it still stings.
Sincerely, Trish
I am so sorry for your friend's loss. Losing one's mom is hard...I know! Sweet of you to cook them dinner...it always helps not to have those things to worry about.
Dear Elaine,
I'm so sorry for your friends loss and also for yours. Its hard to see a friend loose a parent, but even harder when you were so close to her also.
Take care and look after each other.
Deb x
Hi Elaine,
So sorry for the sudden loss of your friend's Mom,
sudden is the worst cause you have no time to prepare. Sorry you are having a melancholy day,
amazing how seeing other in pain brings up our pain too. It is wonderful that you feel the way
you do about your Mom, that is really a gift from God. My relationship with my Mom wasn't good for years before she died, and she was a
very depressed and miserable person, it was like I lost her in my early twenties as she became an alcoholic, and thank goodness we were convinced she knew the Lord before her passing, cause now I know she is happy in heaven, and that is the blessing to me!
A very nice thing to do....taking dinner to your friend, that is such a helpful thing to do.
Hope you are feeling better emotionally in a few days,
Blessings hon, Nellie
I'm so sorry for your friend and you also. A sudden death is all the more hard to take. Being together will help ease the pain, and bringing food is a good way to feel helpful. You are in my thoughts, Elaine.
Hi Elaine...My condolences to your friend...I too know the devasting loss of my mother and best friend. It has been six years, but I still cry at times because I miss her and I need her. Some nights, I have vivid dreams of her and I know it is because she was on my mind all day...
This is very difficult...I will be praying for you tomorrow, that God will give you the strength for consoling your dear friend and that He will wrap his loving arms around you all at the sorrowful time.
Blessing sweet lady...know that you are being prayed for.
shug
Oops...so sorry for my mispelled words...That should be devastating.
Oh Elaine, I am so sorry to hear this news. I am sorry for your friend's sudden loss. And for the memories it stirs in you, for the sadness of being without your own sweet Mom. I am lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my Mom. I would be lost without her. I lost my Dad, and it sent me over the deep end for a very long time. I know this pain too. I will be praying for your friend, and for your strength too, to help her through it. The meal will be very appreciated indeed!
Hugs,
Kris
Elaine, Yes, you were one of the lucky ones. Many are not. And one cannot explain the loss of a parent (or child) to someone who has not experienced it...I feel sorrow for your friend. As you know, the best thing you can do for her is simply to be available...even in 3 months from now when others have gone back to regular everyday and tend to forget.
I hear you - it's been a little over 11 years since my mom passed away, yes she was also my best friend. I have wonderful memories I would trade for anything. And as I've gotten older, I appreciate all she did all the more. :)
Oops, "wouldn't trade for anything." It's too early in the morning! LOL
Yes, Elaine, your blog is almost always cheerful, but I appreciate the fact that you feel confident enough in us to share when you are hurting. I am so sorry for your friend and her family. You are a great friend, and the comfort food looks delicious.
Hi Elaine,
I'm sorry to hear about your friends mom. You are a wonderful friend. It's so nice of you to make her a delicious meal and be there for her at this sad time. Take care.
-Lynn
You are a good friend. I am so sorry to hear this. When my Father passed away it was a very difficult time. My Mother is scheduled for hop surgery next year and I am so scared... Hugs P.S> I invite you join me at my first ever Thursday Favorites blog hop. Stop by and link up your lovely blog.
So sorry to hear this. It's a pain that's unavoidable unless we die before our parents. I cry just thinking about losing my parents. I can't imagine how you must feel. We lost my father in law a couple of years ago and life hasn't been the same since. May the kindness and comfort you are reaching out to give someone else come back to you a 100 fold.
You're being a really wonderful friend! I'm so sorry that this is bringing back those strong feelings of loss right now. My mother and I have never been close, but I know that when she is gone, I will feel the loss tremendously. Take care.
My heart goes out to your friend, I will say a prayer for her peace of mind. I also feel for you too, missing your mom. My mom died 6 years ago this month, and I miss her so much... I miss making her cups of tea and having her say: "Mmm, that hit the spot." Little things like that... I, too, always cook for others when they lose loved ones. Your dish above looks delicious and I'm sure they will enjoy it. May I also suggest you bring: Breaded, fried chicken cutlet. This is because every time I have made this in a meal for someone where I brought it to them in a situation like that, they have enjoyed it so much. They can eat it hot, or have it on a sandwich too. It's always enjoyed and appreciated.
Best,
Gloria
so very very sorry....I remember when my best friends folks died, they were like parents to me...so sad.
I was in your neck of the woods yesterday..North Woods Inn...yumm...didnt make it to that cute gift shop tho,,,maybe next time since I need a trip to IKEA!!!
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